Celebrities in Cheshire

As we descended from the lakes down into Blackburn I was sure I could hear the cyclists going in the other direction singing Bali Hai, that evocative song from the musical South Pacific, but the Senopr Doctor soon brought me down to earth with a bump when she said it wasn't Bali Hai but "Bl--day hills". On reflection she was probably right. I think I was just trying to forget the ordeal of the previous few days by a bit of self delusion or it was the result of a TIA. Only time will tell.

 

 

We sped down into Blackburn and the SD was sad to see her former alma mater now raised to the ground and a new housing estate in it's place. The nuns who taught at the school must have been sent where ever you send redundant nuns to be replaced by high density housing -Nuns 0. Property developer 1.

After all the cycling we have been doing the SD now had a new pet name for me - Thunder Thighs - However she has had to become more discerning when she uses it in public after the incident with the small child in Blackburn B & Q. After all we cannot have bulling in public!

 

 

We went through Leigh and Bolton without incident before making our way onto the flat Cheshire plain. What bliss, even the SD was content as we effortlessly pedalled along. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Wayne or Coleen if they were out and about shopping or one of the class of 92 (football reference for those in the know. SD thought I should just use their names but since she didn't know their names I was allowed to keep the original. - head girl material that SD!). Ideal way to tap them for a handout for the charity I thought, but no such luck. They must have hearded we were coming and jetted off to Dubai or somewhere. Some people will do anything to avoid a chugger. The SD was not best pleased to be called a Chugger so I coined the term Cycleugger- she was much more at home with her new title despite not getting a penny from the Rooney's. (Wayne/Coleen if you read this, as I know we do have some celebrity readers, please do not take it to heart as I know you would have contributed if we had met - it was just fate and the 3400 miles to Dubai keeping us apart)

We went through the Cheshire plains like a dose of salts and before you could fix a puncture we were down in Wem in Shropshire. I do have to say however that we both had a nasty turn thinking we had gone off course when we realised we were in Bolivia having seen a herd of Llamas by the side of the road. The SD soon put us right however when she said they were not llamas but alpacas ( apparently alpacas have smaller ears) and we must be in Peru, but on perusing the map we realised that we were actually not in Peru but just south of Wem Shropshire. (One hell of a map reader the SD - her time in the Sea Scouts wasn't wasted). Disaster averted. Stress of another 6300 miles on the journey avoided. What a relief. Conclusion the here'd of alpacas must have somehow walked from Peru to Wem. Strange creatures alpacas.

 

 

We had only just recovered from the Peru scare when real disaster did strike as old Colossus gave up the ghost and had to be recovered to Race Co Cycles shop in Stourbridge. Good old Rich and his merry men pulled out all the stops and after a fine bit of cycle fettling and other assorted jiggery pokery Colossus was back on the road. We missed 30 miles south of Wem, but the SD agreed we will do this short section after we have returned home just so we really did do all the mileage of the end to end.

 

We came down through Bristol on a great cycle path and we are now well into Somerset. The SD has become a bit demob happy as the end is now in sight although you never quite know what's around the corner on this trip. On into Devon and Cornwall. Bring on those Cornish hills and pasties. We can manage both.

 

Languishing in the Lake District

We finally made it to the Lake District and we had high hopes that we had left the hills behind us. Not a chance. The hills (really mountain ranges) were massive and frequent. The Senior Doctor was not best pleased as she has a healthy dislike of hills established in the Highlands and the Lake District just reinforced her views that she and hills were not as they say sympathetico. However not one to be put off by a bit of diversity she battled on from Keswick to Kendal and finally to the Forrest of Bowland

 

 

 

The first thing to say is that we did not see ant trees in the so called The Forrest of Bowland, just hills and more hills. In fact we were both eating, sleeping and living hills during our time in the erstwhile Forrest. The SD suggested a better name would have been the Hills of Bowland and then it would probably have been flat and completely covered in trees.

The piece de resistance of the FoB was the Cross of Greet. The mere mention of this landmark is enough to send the SD into a paroxysm of loathing., not a pleasant think to behold so I won't go into great detail here. While passing this large stone emblazoned with a minute cross we were being hit with gale force winds, Horizontal rain directly into our faces and finally a hail storm, but as my mother used to say " you'll  never do anything in Britain if you waited for good weather". How apt for the Forrest of Bowland.

Our final act in the Lakes was to tackle a veritable cavalcade of hills to exit down into Blackburn and onwards to the Cheshire plain. We had developed our sea legs by this point, or perhaps more appropriately our hill thighs - the SD does not approve of this term so let's just stick with the metaphor of sea legs - so we were congratulating ourselves of conquering this final hilly section of the route in an hour and a half when another passing cyclist told us that this hill section had been included in the Toure de France as a stage 2 hill climb - I wasn't shire what this ment but it sounded serious! He also told us that the hill section we had just done was included in the Forrest of Bowland Badass Ultra Sportive ride, supposed to be one of the hardest ultra sportive rides around. These facts triggered a general feeling that we had finally won our spurs as 2 fully fledged members of the cycling fraternity - me and Bradley Wiggins like brothers.    

 

Oh by the way Keswick does have a fine cinema. I wanted to go but the film was the BFG and the Senior Doctor said she didn't like horror films, particularly directed by Stephen King, or what ever his name was, so that put an end to that.

 

Let's on to the city hotspots of the Cheshire plains.

A Brush with the Borders

We managed to get out of Glasgow without any fisticuffs, although several of the locals did give the Senior Doctors shifty glances, but I had warned her not to wear her cycle helmet in the pub.  We did however meet up with our friend Les and Val and they took us out  to dinner. As they paid I was able to avoid  haggis - real meat for a change. We were also given a donation by Charlotte and Lorna - a charming couple.

 

Colossus ( that's the bike) had yet further mechanical issues as we entered Glasgow,. Well I say mechanical it was in fact a total bike electrical failure. We took it into the Bike Chain shop and let Quinton have a look. This was bike fettling  of the highest order. I was amazed to see him connect Colossus up to a computer that checked every thing, including my inside leg measurement, but all was well- the computer said so. He did all this free and gratis so good on yer Quinton.

 

We travelled right across Glasgow on a bike track so we never hit the traffic at all. The track followed the course of the river and went past Celtic Park. We were enjoying ourselves so much that the SD broke out into several Fenian songs (I think she was originally of the left foot persuasion so that may account it) as we went past the hallowed ground. As the sweet verses echoed around the local streets there was always the risk that the odd Rangers supporter could have taken offence but the SD seemed so obvious to this and so enthralled with her singing, I just let her get on with it. Never let it be said I'm dictatorial. 

 

We traversed the motorway going south of a number of occasions and it was all to much for the SD as you can see in the pic. However l've watched NCIS and I managed to talk her down with a combination of non judgemental listening and the promise of a Mr Whippy so all turned out in the end.

 

  

After leaving Glasgow we travelled through a few towns who's names I recognised including Hamilton. Hamilton means a lot to me from my formative years listening to the football results on a Saturday evening and particularly for the score draws so beloved of the old football pools . When the scores for the Scottish leagues were announced I was always mesmerised by such clubs as Queen of the South, Cowdenbeath and Hamiltom Academicals. Now I had made it to this mecca of Scottish football. How great was that  - However the euphoria did't last long as the  reminiscence bubble really burst when the SD said she had never heard of the place. I was so concerned I took into the Mental Health shop in the centre of the town , but they gave her a clean bill of health bearing in mind however she was travelling 900 miles on the back of a push bike when she didn't  have to.

 

We eventually arrived in Gretna Green. Now some of you might remember that Gretna was once famous for marriages of couples who had eloped from England. Apparently they still do a roaring trade in such weddings, but not usually accompanied by elopement in these days of easier nuptials. I thought we might also do a renewal of our marriage vows as we were here, but the Senior Doctor would have none of it. Just the same response as when I suggested renewing our vows when we were in Vagas. We could even of had the service done by an Elvis impersonator at no extra cost - now that's a bargain, but still no doing -this woman has no romance in her soul!

 

 

We finally left Scotland and crossed back into the old country. I had quite enjoyed Scotland with the immense scenery and the ever constant Chinese tourists, but the Senior Doctor was not of this view. She Was very happy to be as far away from the haggis and the bagpipe as possible. Personally I still thinnk she hadn't recovered from the crab incident in John O Groats, but as I pointed out this was the fault of the Prince of Wales and so you could' t really blame the Scottish for it - but as I said no one holds a grudge like the SD whether it's reasonable or not.

 

We have now left the Borders and we are moving on to the Lakes. Let's hope there' s no member of the royal family in Grassmere eating up all the pies!

 

Anything but Low in the Lowlands

We left Glencoe without comimg across any unfortunate body parts requiring an owner and then for  3 days we were bashing on through driving rain and gusty winds. If fact we were beginning to think that Scotland didn't like us. I blame the Senior Doctor for that quip about the highlands being like the land that time forgot - I knew no good would come of it. After  all l'm old enough to remember international It's a Knock Out and the problems xenophobia caused then, in fact most of the programmes presenters are now in prison so that must say something. However let's not dwell on insults past, let's think about  the wonderful scenery we have seen albeit shrouded in cloud and low lying mist and obscured by driving rain - or is that drifting back to the LTTF issue!

 

 R

We did meet Tom and Ginna in passing who gave us a donation. Tim is a lawyer but we tried to gloss over that to avoid any seedy professional rivalry. We also met a charming man who told us he and his wife were now both retired and, as he had done some cycling in his youth, he thought he would like to emulate our ride with his wife in the Stoker position, but since his wife wouldn't even leave their car because it was wet underfoot I personally don't think it's a goer,  He took a picture as consolation and this time I insisted I was in ii - I wasn't having the unfortunate incident with the cafe tourist repeating itself, after all I own the bike - well at least half of it.

I am told that their comes a point in every cyclist's life when their obsession with the soreness of their backside seems to dissipate to be replaced by this trance like state of peddling bliss. I don't think we have yet reached the latter yet  - I know this because soon after the start of each daily journey the Senior Doctor is asking "Are we there yet" - to keep the peace I usually try to be non commital - but t do believe we have reached the former. Our profound physical need for extra padding seems to be on the wane and our consumption of Sudocream is falling daily. Hooray for physiological adaptation allowing a smile on your face - this must be evolution in progress.

 

We stayed at the Bridge of Orchy hotel last night. It was very pleasant and we had a wonderful dinner all served by staff from countries that use to be behind the former iron curtain - all very Scottish. The hotel manager - Celed a Hungarian - threw in in a pic of us outside the hotel. Now that's service.

 T

We're off to Glasgow tomorrow. Back to civilisation. Perhaps our phones will be able to get a signal and we will be able to use WiFi. We live in hope. I will let you know how we get on down Sauchiehall Street. If we run into any trouble I hoping that the money we spent on lessons for the Senior Doctor in "Self Defence for the Professional Woman" will not be wasted - in fact SD versus Glaswegian worse the wear for drink could be interesting as long I not expected to get involved. If it goes down I'll try to keep my distance and get some pics. The things I do for the bloggers art. J K Rowling look out!

Getting High in the Highlands

Yesterday we had very high winds and some steep hills to climb so cycling conditions were not to good. The wind managed to bring down a tree across the road. All the cars were having to turn back but we being made of sterner stuff decide to take the challenge head on. I was hopping that the senior doctor would rush up and throw her body across the branches allowing me too push the bike across her prostrate body just as you see in the war films were the lead soldier falls over the barbed wire to allow his mates to run over him and storm the machine gun nest - but no such luck she flatly refused saying it was not here job to play the hero. I had to settle for her pulling back a few of the branches so I could carry the bike across. Another one of my dreams shattered.

 

One of the really great aspects of the journey so far is the brilliant people we are meeting. We stayed with Robrt Howden and his wife Day. They were a fantastic couple. Robert had been an estate factor ( like an estate manager) in his time and therefore knew a lot about the Highlands. Day helps manage the gardens at the Castle of Mey. On the night we stayed they went to a cocktail party at the Castle with Prince Charles. I was relieved to be told the next morning that they didn't have crab as it is still a sore point with the Senior Doctor after what happened in John O Groats - she can be one to hold a grudge as I found out a after the fallen tree affair. On hearing about our charity Robert and Day immediately gave us a donation. It was a real joy to meet them.

 

We  also stayed with Robert Macintosh. The B&B was really his wife's pride and joy but she had been taken seriously ill the week before our stay and was still in hospital. Despite this he honoured our booking and looked after us splendidly, even taking us to a local restaurant for dinner and picking us up afterwards. He also gave us a donation.  Great bloke. You can be proud of him Mrs M. You made the right choice there

 

Back to our travels. We went past the Crask Inn somewhere deep in the highlands. This is somewhat of a revered place to the cycling end to enders so we really felt a sense of belonging as we stopped for a coffee. I finally felt such a deep sense of belonging to the cycling fraternity I could even feel Lycra comimg on.

 

I' m amazed how well the Senior Doctor seems to be standing up to the rigours of the trip. No complaining just concentrated peddle power from the Stoker position (that's the name given to the person on the back seat of a tandem - the front seat is taken by the Captain. That's obviously were I sit!).

We did eventually find a cafe after what seemed like endless pedalling and stopped in for a quick tea. It was packed full of tourists on coach tours. When we left we found several of the afore mentioned tourists taking pictures of our bike. Bit of a let down however when I, as the owner of the bike, volunteered to take the reins to afford a more memorable pic only to be told that I was surpluses to requirements. As they say pride goweth  before a fall.

We have been following the NCN cycle routes some of the way. It takes you somewhat off the beaten track. The Senior Doctor suggested we do a bit of skinning dipping at one secluded spot but she soon came to her senses once I reminded her of the effects of hypothermia on old people, particularly if they occupy the Stocker position.

 

We are now in Fort William having a well deserved day off. Off to Glen Coe tomorrow. I trust all the remnants of the massacre will have been cleared away as the Senior Doctor's not keen of the sight of blood - It reminds her too much of work .

 

Finally thanks to everyone who has made a donation to our charity. If you haven't as yet done so please visit

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/DennisandUrsulasbikeride

To donate.

Mileage

 

Several of our regular readers, well et least one, have requested a list of the miles we have covered so far. So ever one to please my public I publish below the first few days of travel. I will update this as we go.

Day 1. John O Groats to Thurso.                       22 miles

Day 2.  Thurso to Borgie Lodge Hotel.              37.6 miles

Day 3.   Borgie Lodge Hotel to Altnaharra.        25 miles

Day 5. Altnaharra to Inveran                              39.1 miles

Day 6. Inveran to Fort Augustus                         44.5 miles

We're on Our Way

Well we finally arrived in John o Groats. I won't bore you with the travel details suffice it to say that the Senior Doctor and I and the bike all arrived safely with all attachments in place.

We stayed with Gail at the Anchorage B&B. It was a great place equal to any hotel and you also get Gail to keep you entertained. Her husband is a local crab and lobster fisherman so she regaled us with the finer points of de shelling crab.I think the thing is dead before she starts or a least I hope so. In the evening we repaired to the Local gourmet establishment to treat ourselves of some of the afore mentioned crab only to find it had all been hoovered up that day for Prince Charles who was staying at the Castle of Mey. As the saying goes it's the  rich what gets the pleasure and the poor that..........

 

Set out the next day on the epic voyage. Called in initially at the John O Groats finger post just to prove that we did start from the right place. Some consternation however as I think it was the first time the Senior Doctor had actually realised how far it was to Lands End. Soon sorted out however with an extra large Mr Whippy!

 

I don't intend to dishearten you with a blow by blow, turn by turn  description of the route. More just point out the highs and lows of the trip. You will note they are usually lows - such is life.

All was going swimmingly on the first morning until I turned to check on the Senior Doctor to find her head gently emoting a faintly luminescent  glow in the gloomy weather. All was well however when I realised that we were passing Dounreay. Nothing like a dose of gamma shine to clear out the sinuses first thing in the morning. A few miles further down the road her head returned to it's usual shade of magnolia.

 

As we progressed I was a little perturbed to find the brakes to be less than efficient. Hence we called into the Bike Shop in Thurso and let Sam and Sean sort them out. They did a great job and everything seemed ticketyboo once they'd finished. It's a bit of a black art bike fettling, something akin to voodoo practised with Allen keys whilst getting ritually covered in grease, but job well done. Thanks lads.

 

We stayed in Thurso on the first night. We did find a fish and chip shop that yes did fry virtually everything in batter.  Misplaced your baby  - look no further the've battered it and it's in the fryer!  We restricted ourselves  to Cod and chips and very good it was too. Even the Senior Doctor enjoyed it and she's not a lover of fish. Removed to many fish bones from throats during her stint in A&E.

The next day we rode along the coast. Great views and plenty of sheep. I, residing as I do inHerefordshire, now count myself as a bit of a conasieure of sheep, but the lot we saw today were a bit odd. They all appeared to have massive heads in relation to the size of their bodies - most bizarre, but then as the Senior Doctor opined the North Highlands is a bit like the land that time forget so they probably started out as Wooly Mammoths and have evolved into the creature we see today. I'll be glad to get back home where sheep are warm, round and cuddly and make excellent lamb chops. 

 

The weather was misty and cold. I could really imagine myself rampaging up and down here in a kilt with the Jacobites, but l soon came to my senses when I remembered what happened to them. Not a good idea to abuse a sitting monarch - so forget my afore mentioned comments about Charlie pinching all the crab. I was glad to go hungry (well actually we had a nice stuffed chicken breast) so my liege could gorge himself on the fruits of the sea. Good on you Charlie!

We did have a bit of a scare today as the Senior Doctor came into contact with the infamous Scottish midge. However we plastered her with 100% deet and this, together with the promise of another Mr Whippy, seemed to do the trick. However I think she will have to wait for some time for this promise of a glacial treat to come to fruition as we haven't seen even a small, local shop in over 30 miles - back home  they always seem to be building a Tesco Express 20 yards from your front door whether they have planning permission or not, but if you  expect to see one in the next 200 miles in Scotland - forget it. I'm sure there is a moral in there somewhere.

We'll the Senior Doctor is off to bed so I best go as well. Have to give the posteriors time to reformat before the next saddling bashing tomorrow. We are now one bike, two riders and 839 miles to go and almost certainly more entertaining japes to be experienced. Keep watching........